While sitting here in my mom’s house in Florida, a feeling of uneasiness came over me. It is nearly 2018 and I have not seen enough progress in my life. More importantly there are some things about the way I carried myself in 2017 that I will be damned if I carry into 2018. That’s the uneasiness.
2017 was full of Jennifer caused fraudulent moments and I’m just not here for it. First- get ideas of major or even minor crimes out of your head. This Haitian hasn’t done anything jail worthy lol.
I was petty.
Rarely outwardly but definitely in my thoughts. And there was never any need for it.
I gossiped too much and I took my own insecurities into interactions or assumptions with others. Especially fellow bloggers and I will NOT continue on this path.
My circle is super small. Mainly because I do not trust easily and because I was the girl who needed a huge group and a million best friends when I was younger. It empowered me to have a huge clique. It invigorated me to have a crew.
So after my 2 tough years of intense therapy and even more intense path of self reflection, I made my circle very small. I kept to myself and only spoke to a few. I withdrew. Not in an unhealthy or reclusive way but in a protective way. And it was great.
I see now how that hindered me. I see that it sheltered me and had me conjuring incorrect thoughts and ideas about others.
The green headed bandit also kidnapped me many times. I was jealous like a mofo! Those feelings had me wanting to loathe people that I had no business not liking. It had me acting in ways that just were not me. It had me feeling like I was not good enough because close friends were spending more time with others rather than me. It had me mentally drained.
And who the heck wants that!
My gossiping even with my tight knit crew will be nonexistent. My feelings of jealousy will evaporate even when watching certain people do things that I think are fake. I will not roll my eyes or screenshot captions that are annoying to share with my circle. I will just look at the good in everyone and realize that we are all trying to WIN out here. Regardless of my feelings towards it. We all win in our own ways and who am I to judge!
I will start 2018 with a brand new heart and brand new eyes.
I will reconnect with good friends that I have pushed away from.
I will allow everyone a chance no matter what may have occurred in the past.
I will nurture my heart, mind, and soul.
I will live by community over competition inwardly and outwardly.
I will be free of ill feelings and negative thoughts.
I will be the Jennifer that God has wanted and shown me signs to be.
What are you bringing into 2018 that will elevate you and nurture your mind, body and soul?