So I am seriously straight outta….
the expletive that rhymes with ducks. And trust me, I do not mean that in a negative way because it’s actually a phenomenal thing. I have been writing alot about my personal journey- of healing and of changing and this has a snippet of those type of posts. Some of you may come to see outfit posts and others may read, whichever, I am thankful for each and every one of you. This post is a mixture of the two. Words and visuals. My words. My visuals.
“I’m no model lady. A model’s just an imitation of the real thing.”- Mae West
Believe it or not, I was an incredibly shy little girl. Shy to the point that no one could look at me or talk to me without me running away in fear or shrieking for my mommy, grandma or nanny. Yes, I was that girl and stayed that girl until around 4th grade when I started playing sports. I excelled at them and my confidence grew. Well at least it seemed to when I was on the field or court. But inside I was still very much the girl who was afraid to do anything wrong and have anyone upset with me.
As a teenager, of course I rebelled. I did not rebel in dangerous forms like drug use or alcohol abuse but I lied, tried to sneak out, had boyfriends- all the things that my ultra conservative mother found highly disturbing. Sometimes I wondered if I was an alien baby as I did not embody most of her characteristics. But after meeting my biological dad in late December of 2014, I fully see where my wild streak and love of anything creative comes from. I definitely am a perfect mix of the two of them!
When it comes to clothing or art or anything aesthetic, my mother is very much so more on the WASPY side of the spectrum…. While I am the navel baring, tight pant wearing, leather clad type. But as you all know, my mom is my hero in more ways than one so of course I like to please her. When I started this blog, I did not tell a soul. Eventually people found out about it and I saw that it changed how I dressed at times. I always heard my mother in my head… worried about what others would think or say if my skirt was too short or I would be perceived if I wore something low cut. Or for heavens sake if my “too big thighs” were out in their grandness! This way of thinking of hers became my way of thinking in all forms of my life. I started constantly looking for approval. I started doubting every move I made even though in my heart I felt it was the best for me at that moment. Not for one second is this anything against my mom because she truly is the most wonderful and amazing woman on this earth (next to my grandma), we just differ greatly on certain facts of life.
Whenever a woman shows a sexier side of herself, she is quickly judged. She is quickly shamed and quickly labeled. If one post can change everything then so be it. There are many facets to who I am and I have rarely been a private person. I am who I am no matter what others say or think. If this makes it that I am single forever then well, that sucks for these men out here. Oh you think I am a “slut” for showing off my curves, ok cool, thanks for your opinion. I am a role model in more ways than one but being a “role model” does not mean being a prude either. I would rather be hated for who I truly am than loved because I am trying to fit a mold. I get emails after emails from young women who have changed their lives because of my candor and for me that is all that matters.
So now its August 2015 and I am straight outta…… trucks.
While I will always be respectful and modest to a degree, at the end of the day, I will be me. And me consists of sometimes being super covered up and other times channeling my inner 90s Helmut Newton model and giving the camera all I have. A few years ago I wore this same body suit in my These Are My Curves post which is still my most engaged piece and today I wear it again… rocking short hair and extreme eye makeup!
Which leads to this photo shoot. This was all me. Makeup, photography, editing, styling…. this is me giving everything I have to the world in 40 minutes. Yes from putting on the clothes, to smudging eyeliner and applying lipstick to getting the camera ready, this happened in 40 minutes.
At the end of the day, I am a creative. That is what feeds my soul. I have a million ideas always in my head and never just follow through with them. I have notebooks, journals and post its galore of things that pop up in my head that I want to try. Driving home the other night, images of 90’s fashion photography by my favorite photographer of all time, Helmut Newton clouded my head. I decided when I got home I would break out my tripod and get it done. I had no idea how they would turn out but I did not care. I just did it and I am pretty happy with how they turned out. Mostly because it was a solo project that I put my heart and soul into. While this blog will still have tons of outfit posts, I am tired of the same old same old. I am not a typical girl and well, I wont be a “typical” blogger. And by that I mean… the same poses, clothes and photography that inundate the blogosphere. I have to be me and I want to show those who visit my little space on the internet the ideas that float in my head! (lol) Welcome to Comme Coco!
While I am sure plenty will have negative things to say or have their own judgements on it, I truly am at such a great place in my life that it will not bother me…. I am unapologetically me right now and frankly, straight outta “bucks”.
And I leave you with my favorite Mae West Quotes because she was the original bad a$$!
“Cultivate your curves – they may be dangerous but they won’t be avoided.”
“A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up.”
“I wrote the story myself. It’s about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.”
“There are no good girls gone wrong – just bad girls found out.”