This post is a little different and more so a confessional of some sort. Ever since I was nominated for Best Curvy Blog for the SBOC, I have been going through alot of emotions about my looks and have received MANY emails and comments about it. Being in that category did honestly have me critiquing myself and my body in an unhealthy way. When I first heard about it, I was geeked because its nice to know you are being recognized positively for something and heck who doesnt feel honored to be nominated for an award with top bloggers! I then looked at the other girls nominated under Best Curvy Blog and I realized that the others categorized themselves and repped more so for plus size fashion. I love all these girls and they are beyond beautiful and definitely wonderfully curvaceous so I hope this never comes across as a dig to them in any way shape or form.
My only problem with it was the fact that I am not a plus size blogger, I just have muscles and a semi athletic build that I guess can come across as being plus size. It seems as if the fashion industry believes that if you are not a size 4, then you must be in the plus size category and that is SOOOO far from it. I know girls from playing football who are extra curvy and are a size 4. Labels and sizes mean NADA people. They really DO NOT. Being healthy is the name of the game. I was able to look past the nomination and just continue being geeked about it until the emails came in. I received a couple positive ones but more so negative ones from ladies who follow some of the nominees and felt as if I was the girl trying to take it away from them with my “single digit sized a**” as one so eloquently put it. Or better yet another email that told me “why would you associate yourself with this conference that is just a bunch of colored girls trying to get press and using your name in it by throwing you into a category because they know you will promote”. And last but not least a letter from a plus sized brand looking to collaborate but having difficulty finding an article of clothing in my size range to be able to really show off their clothes accurately and them apologizing to me because they assumed I was between a size 12-18. It made me think more and more about the fashion industry and women’s insecurities. It also upset me not only because these were mean comments but because I think this conference is a GREAT idea and a FABULOUS way for non-white fashion bloggers to finally get a voice and recognition but people find a way to dingy it up. We deserve a piece of the haute pie as well and often the blogger awards run by IFB and various other publications tend to forget that there are FAB black bloggers out in the blogosphere too. I live in DC, chocolate city and when there are posts on bloggers, we are so underrepresented its not even funny. I deal with it because this is our world but does it HAVE to be our world… can’t we diversify it up every now and then… Yes there are some things that need to be worked on with SBOC but at least its an idea for us that is coming to fruition and we should congratulate Mattie for it. (separate post to even discuss the racism and prejudice in the blogging world for ethnic bloggers) I may get flack for this and Im prepared for the backlash but this is my blog and this is me. I am all about transparency and being authentic so instead of some whimsical fashion post I wanted to keep it real on what I was thinking and feeling. I took these pictures because I was feeling icky about myself. When I feel bad about my body I make it a point to wear something that showcases my womanly figure… maybe its my reverse psychology… who knows….
In the end, WE ALL have insecurities. I dont always love my build especially when I am in H&M and I find super cute pants but their slim fit just doesnt work with my 23.5in luscious thighs or when I find uber cute knee high boots and they dont always fit over my 16.5 circumference track runner calves. Better yet when my mother (bless her heart) always comments “you shouldnt wear a skirt like that over your big legs”, it hurts but I have to remember that she is from a different time. I may preach love yourself and I mean it from the bottom of my hear but it doesnt mean that I am not human and that the negativity doesnt get to me at times. I know my mom does it out of love but others do it too and its NOT out of love. When does the hate end?? When do we start to accept and stop putting people into boxes of what is beauty and what is not?!?!? It gets hard sometimes to hear those things especially when you know you are not big but you are not super slim but you just dont fit the status quo of the body society believes is beautiful.
One of my biggest passions is the empowerment of women and especially black women at that. Most black women have curves and most of us do flaunt it because we think WHY NOT?!?! Although some flaunt the wrong things and some dont realize that there is a difference between being “thick” and being unhealthy, I still love to see true confidence in a woman. My goal is to be much more confident and much more transparent with all of you my readers starting with these pics and this post.
I love my body the way God made it and you should love yours as well! I have let myself go and Im not eating right or exercising as much as I should have but guess what I am still beautiful and I can still wear shorter skirts or shorts and let my thighs shine. I am a mesomorph and I will never be Gisele slim but I will still have an amazing body Comme Coco style. So I urge you all to be happy with what you have as long as you are healthy. Do not let contests or fashion magazines dictate what is beautiful or make you feel down about yourself! Be proud at any size and remember that there is a silhouette that will always work for you, just find it and ROCK IT!!!!
I am always just an email away if anyone has to vent.
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|I truly believe in the imREDy campaign started by The Seventh District, check out her site for more info.|